Insect Bug Creepy-Crawly Pest Nuisance Irritation Annoyance Infuriation Exasperation Frustration Aggravation Provocation Irritant Pain Ache Throbbing Sore Tender Loving Affectionate Demonstrative Warm Kind Caring Thoughtful Considerate Understanding Sympathetic Concerned Worried Anxious Edgy On Edge Jumpy Tense Overwrought Stressed Harassed Hurried Quick Rapid Fast Speedy Immediate Instant Instantaneous Direct Straight As The Crow Flies Nonstop Hysterically Uncontrollably Wildly Violently Aggressively Forcefully Vehemently Fervently Passionately Avidly Keenly Eagerly Enthusiastically Excitedly Hungrily Impatiently Intolerantly Edgily Irritation Nuisance Pest Creepy-Crawly Bug Insect

Hard Shiny can be polished to be shiny. 

I like the idea of polishing things.

Melting: I think a lot about what materials look like melted

How they look cut + polished and covering a large area, encompassing my field of view, how they melt.

I really like melting things.

Snow driving
I can't tell if I am moving
Hands are sweating

Lights seem brighter

I am in the grocery store
I don't feel like I belong to this world
I should leave

Back in my motel
I feel safe
I am a human again

On this world

Driving snow
I remember it
Those sardines tasted good
I could not get my barrings
My hands were sweaty and lights seemed brighter
Everything was falling apart
In the grocery store
This anxiety attack reminds me of her
As the deli worker hands my the cheese I am scared
Am i crazy?
Insanity can be good for the reputation
But being insane is not fun

February 2009 

everything is right here right now
everything is right here right now
everything is right here right now
everything is right here right now
no no
i lost it
everything is right here right now
just total come-on
 a come-on
everything is right here right now
fuck
i threw the dirt cloths away
i drank some water
i watched some tv to pass the time
i am going to go to bed
i am going to shower first

February 2009

Nightmare and Then Calming Myself With list

Last night I was constructing a puzzle. Its teeth were huge, I could see my hand through its mouth but I could not understand how my hand got in its mouth to begin with. Well I just tried to forget it, I outta just forget that weirdness or I am gonna go crazy. Why does that happen. What just happened, I was dreaming. I hate raisins and extra of them. I don't like cranberries and cars. I like dollars and fax machines, getting candy bars, being on my own in the Galaxy, cross walks with long green walky lights, new perspectives, America, bikinis on girls with small boobs, walking down the street and noticing someone noticing my shoes, Beaujolais, outrageous good fortune of being the one sperm and egg to make it, hundreds of dollars, bowflex home gyms, old national geographic magazines, the capability of supporting life, Herzog, sand dunes, spiders, kayaks, claystone, fine grained flyash, cream cheese with some cold smoked salmon on a fresh made bagel especially when I was ten years old after art class, New York Museum of Natural History, cobalt from the Congo, digital cameras, complex life, rift zones and associated rocks and minerals, feldspar it is so cool it is very common in igneous and metamorphic rocks but you rarely ever see in it in sedimentary rocks, tobacco, meteor crater in Arizona,

February 2009

fishing in the ohio river

oh no we found the cannon and it is far deeper than I could have imagined! But, that is why so many blind fish and mice and crickets are there, it makes so much sense.

A few from January 2009

Fly home baby
i am having fun fucking her heart attack
i see just me
let me in there
let what is in there out
---------
It rains when is pouring
---------
I don't think I feel well
don't
there is no point in me
I am peeling all my muddy flesh
oh he is so sad, yep
"she would hate me anyway"
where is this all going
just over the hill and into the wood
oh I just see it

Room in another style
I was not up in time
sheets up to my neck
my hands are covered in dirt
I woke up thankful I was awake

Key to a new room in another style
my hands are covered in dirt, 

it is embedded in the cracks in my skin

cant think right, foggy
hands are detached
i should keep my mouth shut
my talking mind just has badness to say


September 2008

Thought I was what was I doing.

Outside seems to much. But I can trash it all out.

I think I must have absorbed to much cobalt through my skin.

I cant see colors correctly everything looks to blue.
How can things matter but, they do they do because not mattering is matter.

(Heavily edited from an original multi-page rambling chaos I wrote in July 2008 while getting and being quite drunk.)  

Still covered by skin

Some kind of hardwood floor. The sunlight gets trapped. My palms are clammy, clammy palms. Its so easy to fall into easy thoughts, its easy and familiar but it could be different, totally different it is not that big a deal anyway. It’s good and simple, like I like to be. Still covered by skin.

June 2008